Pretty shocking, isn’t it? Well after eating an expensive dinner at one of our favorite spots for special occasions (predictable, I know), I couldn’t help but think about just how shocking it really is. Despite all of the odds, the obstacles, and the doubts, we’ve managed to last—and be happy. Now I could tell you that being in a relationship is easy, that it’s just like the storybooks and the Disney films, but the truth is that it’s not. So what makes a successful relationship, really? Well in my experience, there are at least five general rules for being mutually happy in a relationship: 1. Trust Now I know it sounds obvious, but trust is a commonly neglected aspect in a relationship. Especially in our technological age, couples can easily track one another at all times of the day. My advice? Don’t. You’re more likely to be in a situation like this: “Oh! I see you tweeted that you’re getting Chipotle. Now you’re Instagraming a picture of yourself eating Chipotle. Looks good…but WAIT, WHO IS THIS AND WHY ARE THEY LIKING YOUR PHOTO?!” … Please, don’t be that crazy. If you know anything about social media, it’s that random people will like your shit literally ALL THE TIME (which can get creepy, actually). Starting arguments over nothing is a sure way to create doubts in a relationship so just use your best judgement. 2. Personal Space Okay, so this kind of goes along with trust, but personal space is a huge (and I mean HUGE) must in any relationship. No one likes a clingy girlfriend, or an annoyingly jealous boyfriend. Here’s what I recommend: “You’re going to a bar with your friends? Great! Have fun and text me about it later.” Everyone needs their space. If you constantly spend time together, yeah you’re probably going to fight a lot. I personally see my boyfriend only twice a week (on average). We talk/text on the phone for a while every day, but we don’t need to be together 24/7 to be happy! See each other regularly, but make sure you schedule enough time in your week for other things (friends, family, independence, etc.) You’ll both be much happier for it, and your other relationships will benefit too! 3. "Spice" Routine is boring. It only takes about a week of eating the same lunch for me to finally get sick of it and have to switch to something else (this week it’s turkey and cheese sandwiches). Well, the same goes for relationships. If you’re dating the same person for a long time, you will probably start to get bored—UNLESS you can be creative. Find something new to spice up your dates. Living in the city gives you lots of options, but you can find something new to do just about anywhere. Comedy clubs, Blackhawks games, and skiing are a few of the most recent dates my boyfriend and I have been on— and they were all new! They don’t need to be expensive either; for example, we found comedy show tickets for only $20 each and went skiing during off-hours to get a discount. Unfortunately, Blackhawks tickets will always be expensive, but that’s just because they’re such an amazing team. My point is, there are definitely options out there! Make a list of fun things to do together and save some of the more expensive dates for special occasions. 4. Communication Another obvious one, but also very important. It can be easy to keep things to yourself, especially when you think that it will cause an argument. But while you may be avoiding a fight for the time being, eventually you WILL reach your boiling point! When that happens, every little thing that was bothering you before will come pouring out, and probably not in a “nice” way. It’s best to just communicate things early, when you can both be calm and make each other more aware of your expectations in the relationship. My motto is, “when in doubt, just be honest!” I’ve learned that just saying what I think/feel in any given moment is the best thing you can do for your relationship (just remember to be respectful). It can be difficult at first, but honest communication will help you both become aware of future issues and generally make you much more comfortable with one another. 5. Acceptance Probably the MOST important of the five. I think it’s safe to say that we all have baggage coming into a relationship, whether that comes from negative experiences with our family, friends, or exs (possibly all of the above). As human beings, we are also naturally flawed: maybe we’re a little overweight, maybe we break out every now and then, or maybe we just don’t believe in shaving our legs (Miley, I’m looking at you girl). Regardless of the perceived “flaw,” no one, and I mean NO ONE, should ever try to change you or make you feel shitty about yourself for ANY reason. Acceptance in a relationship is key, because nobody is perfect! Find someone who makes you feel amazing, and who supports everything you do or want to do. If you have acceptance in your relationship, then you’re already on your way to a “happily ever after.” No glass slippers required. To Ian,
Wow. Just wow. I can't believe it's already been 5 whole years!!! I try to think about what my life would look like if we'd never met, and I can't. You are so much a part of me that I can't picture things any other way. You are my best friend, my soulmate, and my rock. You make me laugh and smile every day, and I know I can always rely on you to be there for me even when times get tough. Thanks for being so amazing babe! I love you so much, and I always will. There's nobody I'd rather be with than you! Here's to five more years of memories, and a whole lifetime more of love. Rachel Knowles is a junior at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
4 Comments
Andrea
1/30/2016 03:02:50 pm
I miss you Rach! This is wonderful! I look forward to all of your posts! and Happy Anniversary to you two!! :)
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Megan
2/1/2016 05:59:50 pm
LOVE THIS <3
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MaryAnn
2/2/2016 05:55:10 pm
This is a really great article! Words to live by!
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Theresa
2/2/2016 07:00:31 pm
Been with my now husband for almost 15 years and I couldn't have said it better myself. Very well written.
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Rachel is a senior at the University of Illinois at Chicago. Visit the About page to learn more! Archives
April 2017
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