High school is tough for everyone. I don’t think there is a single person out there who can look back on those awkward days and not wince at more than a few bad memories. At a time when I was supposed to be finding myself, I felt like I was becoming more lost than ever. At the end of 8th grade, my step-father was diagnosed with Leukemia – something that not only changed his health, but who he was as a person. I went from being like a daughter to him, to absolutely nothing. While his cancer cells were destroying his body, he was destroying our bond, and by extension, our family. He survived his cancer – now four years cancer free – but our relationship didn’t make it. We haven’t spoken in nearly six years, though I see his frequently when I visit my mom on the weekends. He usually leaves the room. I dare to bring up this painful reality, not for pity or empathy, but to illustrate just how low life had become for me – that is, until I met a boy, now a man: Ian Tash. We had met during my freshman year of high school, right after my relationship with my step-dad had already started spiraling. Ian was older – a junior at the time – and he was friends with my best friend’s big sister. My friend and I would frequent the hallway where they hung out in the mornings, just to “say hi” to her sister. Eventually word had gotten to him that I had a crush, and by the end of the year we were an official couple. We’ve been together ever since, but it hasn’t been easy. Like I said, I was at my lowest point when I met Ian. He dealt with the tears, the tantrums, the hopelessness, and the loneliness I felt; but slowly, too slowly, I began to love myself again. I cannot even begin to describe the appreciation, the gratitude, the love I feel for this man, for taking someone so broken and being able to make her feel whole again. There are still moments when I begin to relapse back into those shadowed places, but then I am reminded of my light in the darkness and how he always helps me find my way home again. I do believe in love at first sight. I do believe in fate, in miracles. I found my soulmate at a moment in my life that I needed him most, and I know in my heart that there is someone out there that everyone is meant to find. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you, Ian, for being my reason. Rachel Knowles is a junior at the University of Illinois at Chicago.
1 Comment
Annmarie
4/26/2016 07:21:58 pm
Happy your step-dad survived his cancer and I'm sorry your relationship with him is not that good someday I pray you will both make peace with each other .I am very Happy that you met someone who has been there for you who cares about how you feel who comforts you and treats you with love and respect you deserve It truly is a blessing to find someone like this I pray and believe you guys will always be there for each other that you will always be able to talk to and deal with anything that you go through in life
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Rachel is a senior at the University of Illinois at Chicago. Visit the About page to learn more! Archives
April 2017
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